To Whom Else Have We To Go?

My heart is to work at the children’s hospital as a CNA right now. I am realizing that some big risks are having to be taken on my part in order to attain this. It is not really that I have to strive in my own strength at all, but I must keep my heart open and focused on God. I was reminded about Peter in the boat. Jesus called him out of the boat. I really hear Him doing that with me right now. When I look around me at circumstances I feel disheartened. But when I look at Him I am given courage.
Sometimes I wish He would just force me to get out of the boat; but He never does. Sometimes I wish He would just leave me be in the boat; but He never does. It would not make sense for Him to be any other way, though. He is the Good Shepherd. He pursues us relentlessly. He calls us up out and away from mediocrity. He calls us out of comfort into the unknown. And yet everytime His answer is, “Even so, I will be with you”.

There was a situation where one of my dear friends was going to be surprised with the marriage proposal of the man she has been dating. He had invited her close friends and family because he had wanted it to be a “family thang”. To-be-honest, this did not seem like a big deal to me at all. So I decided just not to go and did not make note of the date. But then the Holy Spirit convicted me that I was making the decision based on what I want and not what Steph would want. Then it just hit me like a lightning bolt - my own selfishness. Oh my gosh, I am SOO selfish!! When this really hit me I started laughing histerically. I am shocked I was not evicted from the grocery store. Men in uniforms did not come and host me out. But seriously, I really am selfish and the reason it is hillarious is because I am in desperate need of a savior. And also this is teaching me about sacrifice and keeping my heart open in all situations. I have nothing that I did not receive.

My pharmacology teacher, whom I really like a whole lot, was teaching us the adverse (harmful) effects about this particular drug yesterday and one of them was an effect called “crystalluria”. This is when you have painful crystals in your urinary bladder. She wisely placed the comment, “so do not go naming your daughter Crystalluria”.

I am learning how important it is to make time for people and to be intentional with the ones you are committed to. I love my closest friends, but it takes alot of effort to pursue them. This does not give me an excuse, though.  We are not made to be apart from each other. Natalie, Catherine and I have a three-way committment with each other as friends and it has been such a gift from the Lord. We are all very different from each other, but we are each others’ provision. I can easily fall into thinking I do not need people, so when that happens I have to retreat from that mindset quickly because it is so dangerous.

“ If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. “  Eccl 4

http://www.youtube.com/v/SmLhyPjHVes

As I was alphabetizing my soup cans this morning, I was thinking about how it seems like the things I like most in life are the most painful. Opening my heart to a man is wonderful, but if I am attracted to him and it is not mutual, then it is remarkably painful. Dying to the flesh is unexplicably painful! I love to run on a track or through a forest and even this requires some amount of suffering.

The world says, “Do what feels good” and Jesus says, “Endure it for the sake of Love”. Completely contradictory. The comfort that this world offers, like say sitting on a couch, only seems comfortable. Driving with a hotboiled egg in each of my shirt pockets on the way to school in the winter because I do not have a heater in my car merely appears to be a comfort. I am finding that Real comfort, which takes much pain and longsuffering, is found in knowing Christ is completely in control of everything. Resting in Him and remaining in His Love is really the comfort that appeals to me and attracts me like no other. Thank you, Jesus, for enduring the cross. Help us endure and overcome that we may know the vastness of Christ.

I have been practicing being honest with people. Already it has brought so much depth to my relationships with people. When I came home today from the clinic meeting, as I was heading upstairs my mom told me to let her know when I was ready to pray with her (we had planned on praying this morning but she had to leave). I took my 30-minute alone time away from people to recharge and then I went in her room on the floor and put some worship music on. The only reason I went in there is because their room houses the only working stereo in the house.

I was just spending time alone with the Lord and she came in and turned the music waaaay down and said, “Let’s pray.” I got upset and normally I would try to shrug it off or push it down, but instead I told her that it really hurt me that she just came in and bombarded my alone time with the Lord and how it bothers me alot when people sever violently into my meditation time.

She got defensive a little and explained she thought I was waiting for her. Then I felt defensive because I felt like she was devaluing my feelings. FINALLY, when I appolgized for assuming she was just being a jerk by turning off the music, THAT hurt her. Wow.

So finally we prayed together and Jesus came with His mighty spirit and mended our hearts. She told me that marriages often start to become bitter when there is miscommunication and no one speaks truth. So even though the whole situation was very painful and emotionally exausting, in the end it was definately worth it. It made our relationship less shallow. It really did humor me because we are both very sensitive women. I think these kinds of things take alot longer when you have two sensitive people.

I really do love Catholic people. I looove mexican people and latin americans and have loved them ever since I was a tiny child. There is a hispanic woman that comes into my clinic who wears a cross. I was back in the therapy room taking care of her and asked her how she was doing and I was able to get her to admit she was upset. She then started telling me about how scared she is in life and I asked her if I could pray for her. She gave me permission and after I prayed she did the whole “Father, Son, Holy spirit”, making a cross on the forehead and shoulders with her finger. I asked her if she knew Jesus and I could tell by how she spoke she really respects Him but does not know Him at all.

I have noticed this about alot of catholic people. They really do believe Jesus is the messiah, but they know nothing about a relationship with Christ or making disciples of the nations. I love this woman. SHe is my age. I told her my story and about my relationship with God. She said, “REALLY???”. She was completely shocked. She is hungry. She comes in several times a week so we have had a chance to keep talking. She told me no one had ever prayed for her like that before. The humbling part is that I was feeling a little grumpy that part of the day and God still used me.

This is an effective and genuinely authentic way to reach people, I am finding. Sharing your personal story with people and making the gospel as simple to understand as possible. I really think the key is going TO people instead of passing out flyers asking people you have never met to come visit my church. Not that that is a terrible thing. It just does not work in my experience. People need to know we love them and want to engage with them. God will provide opportunities for Truth to be told.