To Whom Else Have We To Go?

My heart is to work at the children’s hospital as a CNA right now. I am realizing that some big risks are having to be taken on my part in order to attain this. It is not really that I have to strive in my own strength at all, but I must keep my heart open and focused on God. I was reminded about Peter in the boat. Jesus called him out of the boat. I really hear Him doing that with me right now. When I look around me at circumstances I feel disheartened. But when I look at Him I am given courage.
Sometimes I wish He would just force me to get out of the boat; but He never does. Sometimes I wish He would just leave me be in the boat; but He never does. It would not make sense for Him to be any other way, though. He is the Good Shepherd. He pursues us relentlessly. He calls us up out and away from mediocrity. He calls us out of comfort into the unknown. And yet everytime His answer is, “Even so, I will be with you”.

There was a situation where one of my dear friends was going to be surprised with the marriage proposal of the man she has been dating. He had invited her close friends and family because he had wanted it to be a “family thang”. To-be-honest, this did not seem like a big deal to me at all. So I decided just not to go and did not make note of the date. But then the Holy Spirit convicted me that I was making the decision based on what I want and not what Steph would want. Then it just hit me like a lightning bolt - my own selfishness. Oh my gosh, I am SOO selfish!! When this really hit me I started laughing histerically. I am shocked I was not evicted from the grocery store. Men in uniforms did not come and host me out. But seriously, I really am selfish and the reason it is hillarious is because I am in desperate need of a savior. And also this is teaching me about sacrifice and keeping my heart open in all situations. I have nothing that I did not receive.

My pharmacology teacher, whom I really like a whole lot, was teaching us the adverse (harmful) effects about this particular drug yesterday and one of them was an effect called “crystalluria”. This is when you have painful crystals in your urinary bladder. She wisely placed the comment, “so do not go naming your daughter Crystalluria”.

I am learning how important it is to make time for people and to be intentional with the ones you are committed to. I love my closest friends, but it takes alot of effort to pursue them. This does not give me an excuse, though.  We are not made to be apart from each other. Natalie, Catherine and I have a three-way committment with each other as friends and it has been such a gift from the Lord. We are all very different from each other, but we are each others’ provision. I can easily fall into thinking I do not need people, so when that happens I have to retreat from that mindset quickly because it is so dangerous.

“ If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. “  Eccl 4

http://www.youtube.com/v/SmLhyPjHVes

As I was alphabetizing my soup cans this morning, I was thinking about how it seems like the things I like most in life are the most painful. Opening my heart to a man is wonderful, but if I am attracted to him and it is not mutual, then it is remarkably painful. Dying to the flesh is unexplicably painful! I love to run on a track or through a forest and even this requires some amount of suffering.

The world says, “Do what feels good” and Jesus says, “Endure it for the sake of Love”. Completely contradictory. The comfort that this world offers, like say sitting on a couch, only seems comfortable. Driving with a hotboiled egg in each of my shirt pockets on the way to school in the winter because I do not have a heater in my car merely appears to be a comfort. I am finding that Real comfort, which takes much pain and longsuffering, is found in knowing Christ is completely in control of everything. Resting in Him and remaining in His Love is really the comfort that appeals to me and attracts me like no other. Thank you, Jesus, for enduring the cross. Help us endure and overcome that we may know the vastness of Christ.

Yesterday Catherine and I decided to take a roadtrip to a little country hick town called Boerne (pronounced Berny) to go to a church called Faith Bible. It was an hour and a half drive - very beautiful driving through the hillcountry. When we arrived we were told to follow the highschool group (I am not sure what that was supposed to mean), so we had Bible study with their highschool group. We began the study by playing a very biblical and sophisticated game called “Big Booty”. Hm. I am not sure if any of you have played this, but I had not before experienced it and I really liked it. The teacher had  a thick Texas accent and the kids were pretty distracted. But we got to talk about Paul, and it was awesome to know that there are people in a little old country town that love Jesus. Yes, the game was definately called Big Booty.

Today a small group and I have started praying through “Operation World” which is basically where we stand in the gap before the Lord and plea on the behalf of every country in the world. The book gives specific spiritual issues in each country and we just go for it. Today we started with Papau New Guinea. I have never done something like this structurally and corporately as well as consistently. It is already teaching me discipline.

God is calling us to pray. We are going from the age of the Church to the arrival of the Kingdom Age, full force and for the duration until He comes back and then after.